We knew each other since our poly days... ROM in year 2000, studied in Perth from 2001 - 2003, travelled a lot and held our traditional wedding on 11th June 2006.
Everything was like fairytale. He treated me very well all these years. I gave him all my trust, love and support. We were the perfect couple that many others envy. We renovated our house, held our wedding dinner, brought a car, have great jobs and looking forward to the birth of our little new hope to complete our life...
He found a new job in June 2007... and it required him to travel to Geneva for business training in July for 3 weeks... I encouraged him to go as i knew he loves to travel even though i was in my first trimester and was always unwell... He worried that I'll have to travel to work alone and might not cope without him.. I'm sad that he will be away for 3 weeks.. but i know what he's doing then is for our future.. and he smsed me the following after i sent him off at the airport on 8th July 2007:
"I'm in the lounge... Got sandwich.... And tofu.... U no sad sad.... Seeing u cry.... I feel very down... I want to provide u with the best.... And let u do whatever u want... So that u can choose ur longing path without worry... That's y i chose this route."
We videocam each other every morning before i left for work.. i misses him lots and i can see he misses us too... I told him that my stomach is growing bigger by the day and we can't wait for daddy to come home.. Finally, he returned on 28th July 2007. He promised to give me a big hug once he sees me... but..he did not.. i can sensed that he hurriedly wanted to get out of the airport and was quite short tempered. He did gave me a big hug when we were home though after i reminded him...
From then on... things just got more and more strange.. i chosen to ignore it as i thought it might be due to my pregnancy and i might be thinking too much...
Suddenly..he needs to do daily night exercise without fail every night.. This is so unlikely of him.. he will always want to spend all his time with me..but now.. he needs time to be alone.. but i let him cos i do not wish to restrict him due to me not being able to exercise with him while i'm pregnant... But it went to an extend that when i ask him to just stay at home for 1 night to accompany me.. he'll thinks that i'm not giving him his freedom and i'm asking too much and he even didn't want to accompany me for a short walk downstairs... from then on, we'll keep arguing about this issues.
I knew something was not right... when i addressed my concern to him.. he just brushed it off that i might be having pre-natal depression. My bao bei won't do things to hurt me...that's what i told myself. However, when he started saying insensitive remarks to me as in "can you walk faster" and "when you are in pain, there's nothing i can do for you" etc, which left me really shock and in disbelief that such words can came from my bao bei's mouth... Then he told me he wants to be alone.. he needs his privacy and i cannot access to his handphone anymore, not answering my calls etc, which in our many years of marriage, never happens before.
I was really depressed, confused, helpless and hurt by all his strange behavior... All these while, i've been trying to figure out what went wrong.. he can even start to say things like i force him to have this baby etc.. Whenever i tried to ask him on my doubts, he'll be angry that i asked so many questions and simply offer no solution for me and didn't even intend to work things out and told me he just wants to be alone.. if not..he'll put all the blame to me by saying he cannot stand me anymore etc... To conclude.. he just want out without giving me any proper explanation...
All these while..he can look me in the eyes..and told me there isn't someone else.. and if there's indeed someone else..he'll let me know... and i really trusted him.. after i found out his love sms to this girl, i still chose to believe him... after i found out the love note from the girl to him.. i still chose to believe him... When i was in the hospital... he told me they were just friend... i still chose to believe him.. Things were all so clear then..but i still chose to believe my bao bei would not abandon me and our little new hope for someone he met only in June when he started his new job...
She was his colleague..they went training in Geneva together.. She's staying in Tampines as well... She ROM recently... things just gets clearer from then on... bits and pieces just started to fall into place... My Bao bei told me he got to work late and i have to take mrt back and not to wait for him.. he never let me travel alone when he's ard.. yet..now he doesn't even bother to ask where am i..if i have reached home safely or did anyone offer me a seat etc... so that he can go out with this woman after work and send her home instead.. and visit her again on his daily night exercise... He can go out with me and suddenly told me he wanted to be alone.. ask me to wait for him to come home... so that he can go to this woman at her becks and calls... he can let this woman reply to my sms when i need to respect his privacy and not access to his hp...he can told me that he's sick of seeing my crying face and felt weak when the other woman cry in front of him...
After i told him i knew about this woman.. he can still defends her... that they are just friend.. they only held hands and kiss... all these while..i'm the one struggling to salvage our marriage by willing to forgive him if he were to turn back.. begging him to think of our unborn child, my in-laws, his sisters... to at least do something to save our marriage... he kept telling me he just wish to be alone and since there's no more trust in our marriage.. we should just go our separate ways... it's really just broke my heart in millions pieces and i just slip further into depression to a point that i can feel my little new hope dying inside me too..
To the extend, for us to be together, i must break ties with me sister and not to involve him in my family matters... I waited for him for more than 3 hrs at our tampines home knowing he's out with the woman again and he'll give me a proper explanation once he's home... and yet he can still stands tall and utter this kind of request for reconciliation... I suddenly realised that he have no intention to save our marriage at all... he have all along chosen the other woman.. he don't want me and baby anymore..
He's a total stranger to me... he has become a changed man in just 3 months time when he have a change of heart.. he's so selfish and self centered that he only think of himself and not our future, his parents, sisters, our family and our unborn child... He's just so cruel, heartless and evil...
Now i can only move on.. i have already done all i can to salvage my marriage...I'm very tire... physically, emotionally, financially and mentally... Never in my life i'll expect these to happen to me.. to become a single mother..a divorce status and not being able to be with bao bei till old and not able to provide a happy family for my little new hope.. I know i need to be strong for my little princess for now.. So sorry that mammy caused u to suffer even before you land on earth.. Mammy will be strong for you from now on and pray that you'll be healthy when u see this world... no matter what.. my little new hope is the innocence one.. and I'll been seeing her soon and be able to protect her and held her tightly in my arms... She's what i have left after all these years...
Many thanks to my parents, sister, brothers and friends... for being there... to give me strength to face each and every new day.. and to welcome my little new hope in 2 months time.. Thank you.
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20 comments:
It saddens me to read what happened to you. I'm sorry. Take care and be strong. Know that God is always there. Ping me if there's anything I can help with.
A moment of folly that will destroy a life time of accomplishment...the dark side has beckon and he who answer the call of the darkness will leave to regret...a single decision will not only change the life of those directly involved but also so many others..just like a stone dropped into a pool of water, it ripples are felt far and wide...
take it from one who has been down the road and walk in the darkness.....only to regret...
Monster Frankiestine
Well,
Its true when they say the only ones who can hurt us the deepest are those that we love the most.
Its going to be painful but I'm sure you'll have the strength the carry on. His actions have proved he'll not be a good father/husband for being so irresponsible.
Be strong and happy for your baby as maternal depression can have lasting effects on your baby.
Take care.
I totally understand how you feel.
Well, my gf and i have split up to well, because i did something wrong and that was that i emailed my ex crush some music, nothing was said, just some music with intent i guess. A friend of mine forwarded this link to me because she thinks how all men should read it and then actually understand how a woman feels when it happens.
Please accept my best blessings which i hope will give you strength and fervor for you and your child. People say that God makes miracles, well, he doesn't.People are the miracles. A single Mum who has to go to work and still finds the strength and time to bring up her child and take her out, now thats a miracle. Be it.
Life will goes on even without this man. Let him know, you can be more happier than before even without him. Take care.
If right now he doesn't give a damn about his unborn child's welfare and is willing to let the child be born into a broken family situation, then the child is better off without such a father. You probably don't want this stupid man to do worse damage to the child later on in his/her life.
only time can tell what the future holds but have heart that all will be well. my prayers are with you. may the end be another blessing in disguise, the darkness be a prelude to a very bright future and in the silence, the understanding that will forever illuminate :)
A happy family need not be a complete family.
Give your baby all your love and care, and he will grow up happy like all other kids. That's what my mum have been doing the past 18 years.
No point suffer alone. Give them hell too.
Go find the other woman's husband, and tell him his 'wife to be' having an affair with your husband.
The woman will suffer the same faith being humtum by her husband.
Maybe her husband got so pissed that he chop her & your unfaithful husband into 16 pieces.
You then live happily ever after with your kid.
Shun Zhi – The art of war.
Hey~ Its really painful reading this entry.. I hope you will faster buck up and welcome ur new life..
Hi just want to say that am also nursing the same kinda of pain that ur going thru now...
Thou we are not married yet nor have any kids, we did talk abt the future and going with him (as spouse)to the states for his job assignment. However things took a turn when i found out he is actually seeing someone else too...
he apologise and says he will find a suitable time to put a stop on this issue. However almost a mth passed, nothing was done. i know that they're still in contact. That lady too know abt me but why is she still clinging on? and why am i too when i knew he is not trust worthy? prob am just too attached. Whenever i bring up the topic, we will ended up having an argument and he will start using all the crude languages you can think of on me. I actually tolerate all these.Cos my love for him exceeds all these flaws in him. He once tried to strangle me. But let go when i was gaspping for air. anyway just to let you know that ur not alone.
Ps: am still hoping that he will turn back to love and cherish me more...
Racheal
First I would like to say forgive my language as I’ll be very vulgar in my comments. Why let all these fucker men have a control in our lives? Come on ladies. Please be strong.
When there’s a crack, there will always be. Please remember “Things can be forgiven and not forgotten”. Are you sure you can be so magnanimous? Eventually these may become issues of argument. Do you want yourself to be tortured by all these? It’s not going to be fair to you as the guy will conveniently push all the blame to you. They will even say hurtful words.
Like you mentioned in your previous blog, there are certain things easier said than done. But we all know there are things we need to be done. Move on gracefully. Also there’s no point harbouring a hate or plot some revenges. It’s a total waste of energy. Take along those beautiful memories; leave the unhappiness behind.
Janice...
Advice to me and i should share it with you.
Dont let the person be a priority in your life whereas you are only an option to him :)
You must be strong..My situation is almost the same as yours. I just delivered our baby 2 weeks ago and can already sensed that he has gone back to his lover (Their affair started 3 years ago). For these entire 37 weeks of my pregnancy, he dun even wanna touch me, so where else can he go but back to the arms of the other woman. But now, I no longer care cos my main focus is my kid.. Dunno why, tears just flow when I read abt ur situation..Remember, be strong..
But isn't it possible you're to blame, or at least part of the blame lies with you? We're of course only reading part of the story - your part. Maybe he's bored with you because you've let yourself become boring?
BTW, it's rather pathetic of you use a blog to blackmail your husband in this manner. Go see a marriage counsellor, your priest, pastor, etc. Airing dirty linen in public this way is pretty low, and absolutely no class.
hey be strong...
to the dec 13 comment, what she's doing is not blackmail. do you see any threats, veiled or otherwise, in her post? all i see is a sad yet optimistic lament; optimistic cos she's looking forward to life with her kid from now on. this is her blog, her journal, so i suppose she's free to describe her feelings to whoever wants to read. you're the voyeur for reading, don't blame the author.
attacking someone when she's down is "pathetic and no class". if you're a man, i'm ashamed of you. gents don't do shit like that.
I noe nthg much can alleviate ur misery at tis pt much less a few words from strangers like mi.
but I noe all women share & understand ur pain. A few of us has gone thr' wat u've & pulled thr'. I did though nt to ur extent, at least we weren't married.
I juz wan to give u a hug. rmb, u are not alone, u still've ur lil princess & no doubt it's hard as sh** now but in time to come, e pain'll die & ur memories of him'll fade as well..
most importantly, hold belief in the future...
TO THE PERSON WHO WROTE THE DECEMBER 13 COMMENT:
I certainly hope that you are single. If you are not, I think you better tell your other half that you think being "boring" justifies breaking a vow as strong as marriage. It can be said, maybe, that the husband or the other woman cannot be blamed for their emotions but THEY ARE CERTAINLY RESPONSIBLE AND ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.
People are given enough sense to weigh what is right and wrong in order to make the right decisions in life. These two adulterers and f#ck&rs (excuse my honesty) may have felt something that they thought was important to them but that does not give them any excuse to do that to the people who loved them so much (and apparently still do).
I have been dishonest to someone who loved me as much (probably even more) than this. He was in a different country too and I got lonely. I did not tell him but truth will always come out. He forgave me and I wish with all my heart and mind and soul that I could go back to that moment and take back all the actions that I did to hurt him. It was I who chose to do those actions. It was I who decided to be selfish. No one is to be blamed for my actions but me and the same goes for the husband and the other woman.
I have no idea what it must have been like to be hurt like this by someone you love so much and I really do pray that I never have to. But I would think that letting it out, being able to express the pain would help her heal in order to be strong for her new baby. That is merely how I see this blog to be. The wife has all the right to express it the way she wants to.
IF YOU ARE THE HUSBAND:
You have no right to tell your wife and your unborn child (SHAME ON YOU) how to repair the damages that you and your other woman have caused.
TO THE WIFE:
Being strong is feeling the pain, anger, fear and yet doing everything that you can, to do what is best for you and your child. I'm sure you will make a great mother. A person who can love another as much as you have will certainly be able to raise a very good human being. I hope you will not be consumed by hate and hope that you will not become jaded with loving and trusting another. Your husband was probably a mistake but it does not mean that everybody else would be. Take care and I really hope the best for you and your baby.
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